"I guess chivalry isn't dead" whispered a sweet old lady to me on the subway as a man got up to offer me his seat (and no, I'm not pregrant and hopefully didn't look like it). I just smiled, almost speechless while my mind was racing with whether to stay positive and accept the nice gesture or respond that I really had given up hope on that, especially the date I had during that prior week. Yes, I know times have changed, and I'm a semi-feminist, fully believing in empowering women and having equal opportunity, but I personally decide to remain mostly traditional in my image of men-women relationships. While I strive to be independent and career strong, my top priority in the moment, I hold a romanticized image of relationships and marriage where the man opens doors and walks on the outside closest to the street and the woman is a motherly care-taker, cook and entertainer. I don't believe men and women roles should be so clearly defined and rigid, and it should be adjusted and molded to the specific relationship and characters. If a woman genuinely wants to be the breadwinner while the husband stays at home full-time with the children, I am fully supportive of this. I just know that my personality, as a sentimental, sensitive, compassionate, giving, my strengths can be best used in more of a motherly role (but this doesn't mean I'm giving up my career or individual passion). I've learned and accepted that I'm needy and flourish in someone's love because I also have so much love to let go towards others. Reciprication is important. As we mature and come in to ourselves, gaining an inner confidence and feeling of self-worth, we become more demanding on relationships, not in the negative sense, but in the way of holding high expectations and not settling for less, thus demaning more. . .respect, honesty, kindness, etc. How many times I can count when I stayed in a "relationship" that wasn't healthy, when I wasn't treated with the utmost respect that I've now come to full-heartedly believe I deserve.
As teenagers and through college and sometimes beyond, there's something attractive about the "bad guy," the rough, edginess, excitement/anxiety of the unknown, wanting something that's unattainable. .. But, there comes a point when maturity encroaches that doesn't mean forgetting about the child within you, and consciousness brings awareness that the pain and suffering caused by these "bad guys" should not be tolerable and is no longer attratictive . .. at all. Some nights of pure passionate lust may be energizing and necessary at times, but in the end .. . that's never fully satisfying for the soul. After being cheated on, a mistress, and in numerous I'm-just-not-ready-to-fully-commit relationships, after settling for disrespect and abuse believing the good moments out-weighed the negative, I became disgusted and sick of all the bullshit. And, once I felt that anger, I felt empowered because I will no longer tolerate abuse or disrespect or narcissism. It's now the opposite of attractive to me. . .
I place extremely high value on my family, friendships and relationships in general. It takes effort, especially as times get busier with responsibilities and self-development, but it's extremely important and is what makes life so beautiful. . .beautiful encounters with people, energy exchanged and happiness levels raised.
In this new year, I made a vow to my friend that I will no longer participate in unhealthy infecting relationships and believe in myself and inner confidence enough to weed out the negativity and plant seeds in the flowers. I hope to attract genuinely kind people in my life and people that will satisfy my needs (which of course must be a mutual exchange).
After a few months, I finally got back in to the dating scene and ended 2009 with a not-so-good one where long-story-short, we went dutch after he asked me out on a friday night to drinks and dinner and even had the audacity to try and kiss me. Good bye 2009. . . Hello 2010! My first friday night in the new year gives me hope for the new decade to come. I felt in a foreign land as I stepped foot in to "this guy's" apartment that smelled like onions and garlic and vegetables and sat at the table presented with two types of fragrant cheese, one from Quebec (since he's Canadian I guess), olives and fresh, crusty french bread. We popped open a juicy red wine that was perfect to warm up from the outside bitterness and went perfectly with the entire meal. He was prepping and had celery finely chopped in a glass bowl and asparagus spears sliced length wise and cut in quarters. The risotto was already in a beautiful cast iron by Le Crueset, simmering with vegetable broth (he remembered my dietary restrictions) and veggies. Later some butter and white wine were added, along with lemon he zested and parmasean riggiano that I grated (my only contribution aside from the purchased bottle of wine). With mint and the asparagus added in last, the aroma was as delicious as it tasted. Pan seared scallops topped the creamy risotto and was served with a side of arugala salad with walnuts, Michigan dried cherries and a homemade vinagrette. There were several factors that worked together to make such a delicious creation, fresh ingredients, intoxicating wine, and the kindness poured in to everything prepared. That night, the tables were turned, and it felt amazing. I'm usually the one to cook and clean for the guy I like, but most often it's never really appreciated so much. I mean, if he later cheats on you, there's proof that you were not appreciated or respected, despite all you did and emotion you gave to him. It's also nice to be around other foodies who savor their meal, savoring the moments and appreciate and enjoy "good" food. It's much more sophisticated fun than throwing something together in such haste and hurry, as most guys do, with no appreciation for invention or creativity.
Now, when you hear "playful dessert." what comes to mind? . . .umm. . . does it have whip cream? hot chocolate fudge? Well, you know where my mind went when this guy told me to guess what the "playful dessert" was. Turns out, it was much more innocent than I was thinking. I was definitely surprised that, what seemed like a respectful guy, would prepare something so sexual/playful for dessert on our third date. But, then again, you never know. This is New York, and the guys never fail to surprise (disappoint) me. After several minutes, he gave me an obvious cue: you make it over an open flame. S'mores! Of course! He reaches in the cubbard to bring down a box of graham crackers, a variety of chocolate bars and marshmallows - that we later discovered tasted funny becase not only were they kosher and gluten free, they contained fish gellitan . . . Crazy . . . needless to say, I was turned off after eating two of them in my s'more sandwich. But, it was still nice to revisit childhood and share in this Canadian's first artificial s'more experience. Everything about the meal was great, from the serious beginning (wine and cheese) to a more "playful" ending . . . The night was called to an end after 53 songs of radiohead :) Now I understand the pleasure I bring to people when I prepare a delicious home-made meal and serve it with love.
There is just something so special about home-made food. The next night was an extension of the previous night's theme. My friend came over for a girl's night, and we made pizza from scratch . . .Whole wheat pizza crust, topped with olive oil, garlic, sliced tomatoes and basil and another with arugala, caramelized onion and goat cheese. Cooking and baking is a source of therapy for the giver and receiver. Emotions are being poured into the food as ingredients are mixed, stirred, simmered and seared and then shared with others as a certain way of communication. Through food, we communicate a part of our self, our desires, our tastes, our personalities, etc. We then transfer our energies on/in to the person being served in hopes that our effort will be appreciated and enjoyed.
"The age of chivalry is never past, so long as there is
a wrong left unredressed on earth, or a man or woman
left to say, I will redress that wrong, or spend my life in
the attempt." Charles Kingsly
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